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animals, bleeding heart, cancer, cemetary, death, dog, Garden, grieving, how to bury a pet, Jack Russell, loss, nature, pet, rainbow bridge, statuary, statues
It has taken me so long to even touch on this subject – and even so, I have to gloss over it as it just breaks my heart. My sweet little Jack Russell, Lucy, died a few months ago and I still am in such a state of anguish and grief.
She was diagnosed 2 years ago with cancer and given just a few months to live. I told the vet I was desperate for any treatment, so he said we could operate to remove the baseball-sized tumor and extend her life by a month or two.
Of course, I opted for the surgery, however, when he opened her up, he said it was inoperable, it was immersed in her organs and that she only had weeks to live. To make it worse, he said it was going to be a situation where we would have to put her to sleep because it would be so painful. I begged my vet to come to my house when it was time to put her to sleep so that she would be at home and most comfortable. He agreed.
But the sheer anguish….I was devastated. I fear I scarred my children because I cried constantly – I would go to bed crying and wake up crying. I just loved this dog dearly. She was the flower girl in my wedding. I had her in my will. She meant the world to me.
I was determined, though, to make it the best few months any dog could ever have and fed her steak, chicken, hotdogs…whatever her little heart desired. My sweet Lucy was a little slower, her belly bloated, on pain killers, but still alpha dog among the big dogs!
Well, that was two years ago, and I counted each day as a blessing. It came very quickly, her slowing down and we had a scheduled a vacation to Hershey Park. I stayed behind to be with her because she seemed not well, but my husband took the girls. The night after they left, things went downhill fast and she was in excruciating pain. I doubled up her pain killers and called the vet, desperate to get him to our house, but the worst luck ever – he was on vacation. I was on my own.
With my dog in so much pain and tears streaming down my face in the middle of the night, I called the closest animal hospital to see if they can put her to sleep, but I never made it there. She started shaking, seizing and her breathing was slower. I actually wished she would die because she was in that much pain….she died in my arms at 3am.
With my husband gone, I couldn’t bear to bury her. He wasn’t coming home for several more days. I didn’t call anyone. I didn’t leave the house. I couldn’t dig a hole, I couldn’t put her in the ground. I wanted her to come back to me and that would mean she wouldn’t wake up. That’s all I can say about that.
She’s in the ground, by the house, but I still haven’t really gone there. It’s too raw. But I do have plans.
With the flower looking like a broken heart, bleeding heart plants are beautiful…and it dawned on me that it perfectly represented what I was feeling, so I want to plant a few around Lucy’s grave.
How perfect…I told my girls that each of them would have a bush that they could select and plant in memory of Lucy.
They grow in zones 3-9, partial to full shade and come in many variations.
I adore statuary and have pieces in our garden that were in my parents’ gardens. There is just something that I can’t put my finger on about it, almost like someone was turned into stone. I want to select a piece for Lucy’s grave, like these:
Please forgive any errors: it may be choppy and I’m not going back to reread or review it because it was difficult enough to write this through teary eyes 😦 But, I know many of you have little puppies that you love as much as I love mine, so I wanted to show you what I am going to do in hopes that it may help someone if they needed an option for burial….
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened” ~Anatole France~
~~~
The loss of any pet is not easy, but try to remember the good and nice and lock the pain out of your memory.
Yes…and so many good memories with her. Thank you for your kind words 🙂
This is a beautiful tribute to your beloved pet. I love the plan to plant the bleeding hearts near her grave. I’m sure it will be a place that eventually brings you solace instead of pain. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you so much…that is what is so great about blogging: the support from others, just to be kind.
I am so sorry – I know this pain but I also know the love it springs from – you’ve been blessed, hold on to that x
So, so true…I had so much more time with her. Thank you so much, I just wish this hurt would pass…ugh!
I can’t even begin to imagine. Lucky you and Lucy that you had each other – what an amazing bond we have with our beautiful furry family. x
So true! They just become part of your heart!
I’m sorry for your loss!!
Thank you …
It’s devastating when we lose them. They are family members and the hole they leave in our hearts is huge when they go. It’s over two years since I lost my old Dobe and I still miss him every day, though these days I think less about his death and much more about his happy life and all our adventures together. Big hugs to you.
It sure is…it seems so unfair that their little lives are so short! Thank you so much for your kind words!
Oh dear… I know its very difficult to get a grip but here’s a small bit of ancient Indian wisdom: We believe that the soul of the deceased is never happy unless you have let it free. You must believe that she is now in a better realm, happy and free of the worldly burdens. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and wish her luck. Let her go.
Yes…I actually wanted her to pass at the end because of her pain…I would have gladly taken it for her. I will try …but she is entrenched in my heart.
She is good where she is. Just remember this.
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Lucy. Lucy was indeed blessed to have someone who loved her so deeply and cared for her so tenderly.
Your words are so thoughtful – thank you…
Sorry about your loss. Dogs give us so much during their whole live and if they gone they take a part of us with them….
So very, very true…
I’m so sorry. 😦 Thinking about you and Lucy! Thank you for sharing. Lucy was adorable and the statues and garden is georgous!
Thank you so much…the sharing has really helped me (although I feel like I dumped a lead brick in people’s lap!)
We all have one dog that is this special to us. So hard to say goodbye. Lucy beat the odds to stay with you a little longer, how lucky you both were.
Yes – she was the one…I do love seeing all the animals on your blog!
I know what it is like to lose a pet, I had my cat put to sleep three days after my birthday. A pet is like a family member … no, a pet IS a family member.
You gave her the love she needed, you gave her the best time, and she went while in your arms – with someone who loved her and more than likely, someone she loved. I know it is still heartbreaking even after two years, and it is a hole that will never fill, but know that you being the last thing she saw would have made her the happiest dog in the world when she went.
I am really, truly sorry for the loss
I had a wonderful Jack Russell named Carmine who was with me for 14 years. The day I took him to the vet for the last time was one of the hardest days of my life! I totally understand and appreciate this post, and love the idea of memorializing him with those lovely flowers. Great post!
So sorry about your loss… These pets become our family members, and when they are going away, it is very very painful… But their memory continues to live with us, and those happy memories will stay with us forever.
I am so sorry for your loss! We love our pets here just like family members here, too!
Thank you! I’m so glad that others love their pets too like family and can relate to me! It’s not always the case in my daily life
Losing a pet is so painful. I know. I am sad for your loss and appreciate your courage to write.
I’ve been through the same thing with our Precious and we had her for 12 years but I still miss her. We finally got another cocker about six years ago and she has slept with us since the day she came to live with us. My heart will yet again be crushed when something happens to her. She is our baby just as much as my two kids were. When I look back at the album I have of just Precious I still cry but we have such wonderful memories of her and our granddaughter loves hearing stories about her. We have an album of Sassy too and it’s wonderful looking at her baby pictures as well. If you can make an album of her and I promise it will make the pain a little more tolerable.
What an adorable name and so fitting of a pet! I have a hard time looking at pictures…I had to take a break just from responding to comments because of just sheer weeping, but I do love your idea. I have a million pictures of her too. Thank you for understanding 🙂
The Cycle of Love–There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through its turnings or walked its rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge that they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know what a small price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given. Writing in his essay, “The Once Again Prince,” animal lover and gifted writer Irving Townsend summed it up: “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle easily and often breached. Unable to accept it’s awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.” It is a fragile circle. But it goes round and round without end. –From the book, ” If a Dog’s Prayers Were Answered Bones Would Rain From the Sky by Suzanne Clothier, my absolute favorite dog book. You will cherish this book as much I do. I feel your pain and wish you peace.
Wow…that just nails it. Book on order now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart; I am very touched that you would take the time to write such a comforting comment.
As I read your heartfelt announcement of your beloved Lucy, I have tears running down my cheeks. I too have a Lucy (mini schnauzer) who is my best friend, my buddy, my pal…loves me with her whole heart and wants nothing but to be with me. I am saddened for the day that I too must grieve her loss and will cherish every precious moment with her until that time comes. The bleeding hearts are the perfect tribute to your precious girl. May your heart find comfort. Deborah
Oh! That I found such compassion and solace from other bloggers is so moving! I was very hesitant to write about such a depressing topic, but it honestly has been so touching that others have that special friend too and understand! Thank you so much, Deborah!
I am so glad you came to us with this news. Set all aside except the most necessary of tasks until the raw grief abates. Soon you will find yourself back on your feet, gradually re-discovering the pleasures of life in a different way. Having reached out today is a sign of healing. Your badge is that you were the best Jack Russell that Lucy ever knew. And all this time, you thought she was doing all the giving, right?
I am too…ironically, it is here that I feel the most comforted and understood. I feel so lucky to have other bloggers who are so kind with their words and time to help me 🙂 Thank you…
Kearney, I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better with time. My heart hurts for you. I am looking at Peanut and Reeses and can’t imagine.
Cynthia
Thank you, Cynthia…dogs have such a capacity to love, and I have 3 others, but little Lucy has left such a hole in my heart!
I had West Highland White Terrier named Butch, years and years ago. Not quite fourteen, he was diagnosed with Lupus. With no treatment in sight, we did the same thing you did – spoil him and keep him comfortable. Nonetheless, the fateful day came and the pain was unbearable. It lingers, creeping up on me at times like these – triggered by a thought, a story, an “I know how you feel” moment.
Now I have a 15 year old Westie, Izzy. Oh how can I love her more and more as the only thing she does more of is sleep. She is still feisty, still the boss, still so unbelievably beautiful. I just want her to live forever so everyday, if I catch myself thinking about not having her, I quickly go find her and smother the little shit with a million kisses. It is truly all that I can do.
Our furry family members deserve every tear we give them.
Their little lives are so short and they give so much in that time. You are so right – spoil them rotten and kiss them until your lips are raw 🙂 Thank you so much for understanding and I will be thinking of you and little Izzy.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet dog. It is always so hard when are pet family members struggle through illness.
Thank you…it is and they are so brave 😦
may you meet again at the rainbow bridge!
I’ll be running to greet her when the time is right!
Hi, Our deepest empathy. We have had to put down our 19 and 18 year old kitties in less than a three month span. Our thoughts are with you in this loss of your beloved Lucy. Jay
Oh, Jay…How tragic! I couldn’t imagine. Thank you for your sweet words…
My heart goes out to you and remember the pain also of letting go. They do become a member of the family. Even though it’s been years since I had a dog, I still remember. Love the idea of the bleeding hearts. ♥
Thank you…
♥
Hi Kearney – I’m so sorry for your loss. Having been through a similar experience, I know there’s not much anyone can say. But thank you for sharing, and may you remember the fun memories that you and Lucy shared together during your time of grief.
With sympathy,
Matt
Thank you, Matt. Hope you all are well 🙂
You’re post brought me to tears. Lucy was a lucky pup to have had you in her life.
I’m sorry for your loss. This really hit home hard, thank you for sharing. We lost our 3 year old teacup yorkie to a stroke while we were away recently and it has been harder to cope with than I could ever imagine. He changed my life forever – I met my husband when they were walking down the street together, and I was walking my own little westie. My westie shows signs of grief I never thought possible and it made me realize how fragile life is, especially in animals. The best gift in life to Lucy was you and vice versa, life can’t get better than that.
I’m so sorry you lost your sweet girl. We lost our Maltese a year and a half ago and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. Coming home to an empty house was the hardest part. They leave such a vacancy when they go. As I read your post, I could relate fully to your broken heart. Thank you for having the courage to write about her. You can see through your words, your mourning, and your tribute what a blessing she was.
I have to be honest I couldn’t read your post since losing my favorite cat ever, Boo! still pains me greatly. My heart goes out to you, I know your pain and would like to say I hope you can get past it soon but I also know you will never forget. 🙂
I’m so sorry. When I was pregnant, we adopted–or I should say we were adopted by–the sweetest toy poodle in the world. I call her our Furry Little Saint, because of how patient she’s been with our toddler, who has learned the word “gentle” on the dog. She was older when she came to us, so I know that we don’t have many more years with her, but I dread the day she goes.
My dog died unexpectedly and suddenly in January. It was horrible. It still makes me sad and it’s been 8 months. Incidentally, she is buried in a nice place in my parent’s yard with pretty plants and flowers. Sorry about your lil girl.
So, so sad to hear of your loss. I’m sure she knew how much she was loved. I think the idea of the bleeding heart and statuary is beautiful. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect piece for Lucy. **HUGS**
I’m so sorry. I lost my Winston in the same way. I was alone too. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I totally feel your pain. I was moved by your post and I want you to know that you are not alone. Big hugs to you!
Oh, Alice! I am so sorry that you went through that…I wish you didn’t feel my pain 😦 But thank you – And hugs right back to you!
I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I have been through this too many times in my 52 years. You have truly know real love. I still can’t look at photos of two of mine that have passed. And one I cry sometimes just being in the backyard or thinking of his name. I only had him for a short time but there was a special something about the situation. No one else really understands. My heart will never mend over that one.
I so understand your pain. My sweet little Corgi Pippin is dying of Lymphoma. He is only six, way too early to go, and it is breaking my heart. I fear this is going to be very hard for me to deal with.
We are spoiling him rotten and enjoying each day left that we have with him, but somehow he knows. He is not in any pain, but he knows, and has become my little shadow, never leaving my side, and he just looks at me for hours at a time.
Dog is just God spell backwards, unconditional, pure love.
I hope you will heal quickly. Get another dog when you can. I waited 13 years for another dog when my last corgi was run over by a car. 13 years of crying whenever I saw another corgi, which is way too long to go without a devoted friend who always looks at me like I am the most beautiful person in the world. Who always has an ear to listen, and a tender heart.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have two English Shepherds whom I adore, and I cannot imagine how I will be like when I lose one of them. Know that you have much support in the blog community–especially from me. Take care.
I can’t tell you how much I deeply, deeply appreciate that. Coming to this community was the best thing I dd I am so thankful for (and feel completely unworthy of) the support!
You are most certainly worthy of it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had tears in my eyes reading your blog. We went through a similar situation & were heart broken. We lasted only 8 weeks before rescuing another dog. For us it helped a lot. Not that we didn’t still miss our other dog but the new guy was so full of life and positive energy — he helped fill the hole in our hearts.
I hope you find a way to do that too.
Ugh – I couldn’t imagine not having a dog. We actually have 3 other rescue dogs (all German Shepherds) that Lucy used to rule over. Since she has passed, I dote and smother the other dogs. I love them dearly, but rescued them when they were 6 and I had Lucy since she was a pup…
I am so sorry for your loss
This ripped my heart out. I know just how you feel. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
Oh I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss—I can’t even imagine not having our dog around, he quickly became a best friend. I hope you’re doing as best as you can be, and those flowers are an absolutely beautiful idea. 🙂
I am so very sorry for your loss and do understand that heartbreaking, empty feeling when they leave. I lost 1 Berner at 3 to cancer and the next at 5 to an autoimmune disorder. I loved each one dearly, remember how much joy they brought me, and always try to appreciate Lola while I have her. I understand how difficult it was to write this, but sometimes just writing how much you love them and what they meant to you is cathartic and this is surely a wonderful tribute to Lucy.
Though sad, this is so beautiful. Sorry for your pain. The bleeding hearts are lovely too.
Best wishes –
So sorry for your loss. I know this all to well with myself losing pets to cancer. I feel your pain 😦
So heartbroken for you. Dogs are such glorious, perfect, loving friends.
I am so sorry for you.
Grief is the price we pay for love, the Queen said after 9/11.She;s right, and I know how you feel, having loved seventeen dogs to death over forty years, and my precious cat. I still love them as much, and can still grieve many year on..
But I can tell you that their love continues, we’ve had several signs from them after their deaths, and it is such a comfort to know that the love goes on.
I am truely so sorry for your loss. I completely understand what you’re going through. When my dear dog of 14 yrs died, we buried her under a tree and made a special plaque for her. It still feels nice to have something in the garden for her, and to know she’s there. But same, I had to avoid the area for a fair while. I also got my favorite photo of her framed. Hang in there & look after yourself xxxx
Oh my… I hear your pain. I cry even thinking about not having my beloved retriever. The flower is beautiful and will be a lovely memorial for your Furchild. Thank you for sharing.
Hi! I am really sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are going through.
I also wanted to let you know that I really like your blog and I just nominated you for the 7 Things about Me Award! You can check it here: http://nowathomemom.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/131/
Thank you so much…I just adore your little puppies too!
Thank you! 🙂 I love these two! they make me happy every day! Angel he loves to be cuddled when I sit on the couch and watch TV. Again very sorry for your loss, love the flowers too.
Awww! I love snuggly dogs! Lucy used to sleep on my head. I have 3 German shepherds who do not 😉 Thank you…I had to take a break from responding to comments on this post b/c I was so distraught, but then so overwhelmed that people would offer comfort to me and understood! It’s like therapy with people who just “get” me 🙂
Oh! I understand! I lost 2 dogs over the last 2 years, I had them for 10 years, it was very painful and with the loss of one of them I didn’t know I was pregnant and I kept crying everyday. Every summer my parents put pots of flowers in their yard in memory of Bobby and Puma. I just want to let you know that you will be alright and the pain never goes away but you learn to live without them around you. I’m glad you wrote this in your blog, your story is touching and is nice to know that others do understand what you are going through.
I can relate, I haven’t been able to have another dog since but after 5 years I’m starting to think about it again, it took a long time for me to heal that loss. Every now and then I swear I feel his nose nudge my hand when I’m drifting off to sleep, it’s a nice and loving reminder. They are always with us.
I’m so sorry for your suffering, and glad for Lucy that hers is over. May you find peace and solace and comfort in the memories of all the good and the joy that she brought into your life–and undoubtedly, you into hers.
I’m really sorry blogger friend. When you lose a loved one your heart literally breaks. Some people will NEVER understand. I’m sad for you and so sorry.
Thank you so much…I haven’t told some of my friends that I’ve known since college because I know they just won’t understand. It means so much to me to have my blogger friends (and their cute babies) who do understand me 🙂
I’m so sorry about your little one. We put our border collie down in February due to cancer. And just last month the two kitties and our American Foxhound, George, had to go into a shelter because I have become to ill to take care of myself and am currently living with my parents, who refused to allow me to have my best friends with me. I still dream of all of them curled up around me in bed sound asleep. My heart is with you.
I am so sorry for your loss!! I work at a vet and have seen what cancer can do. On the bright side, it’s great to know she had such a dedicated ‘mom’. 🙂
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I am so sorry. We lost Esti, our rescue Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, last October at 11 years old. She, too, is in a little corner of our yard, surrounded by lilacs and with a little bench where I can sit to think of her. We plan to plant lunaria in the open spaces back there, as they were Esti’s favorite… to eat. She was a silly girl and my little dog soul mate.
You never get over losing a pet, but the joy they bring to our lives makes it worth the pain. You and Lucy were so lucky to have found each other. My thoughts are with you.
I understand you so much…I too have lost a very dear companion a few month ago and i’m still grieving and feeling sooo sad…That black cat was my big love and although i have with me his mother and his sister i think often that we are like a disabled chair standing only on three feet now…
Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Have you read A Dog’s Purpose? It is a wonderful book you should read; I cried through 90% of thinking of my family dog that passed a few years ago and my 2 year old pup that makes my every day blessed, but it is so worth the read. They are family and sometimes when I hear about another dog passing or read a book and it’s even mentioned, I just cry thinking of the inevitable. I’m so so sorry, and now I have to stop typing because I’m going to cry again.
Oh, what a moving post. I am so sorry for your loss. We have a very old, frail cat who we are nursing along in our house. Last fall when he had a brief illness, the vet’s offered up a battery of tests and suggested (rather pushily, if I may say) that we make haste to let them put him down. However, we felt that he was still very clearly enjoying many things in life and with a little research, I too began to feed him home cooked meals and otherwise adjust his diet. His illness (along with a lot of other bad symptoms) went away, though I know he is really old and that he isn’t going to last forever. Nonetheless, we and he have had nearly another year of purrs, meals, and lying in the sun. Though he is even older and more frail, he is healthier in some ways. The other day he had the special treat of demolishing two mice caught by our other cats.
I just love your perfect idea of planting bleeding hearts in his memory. The precious connection we can have with a pet, and their contribution to our mental health and happiness, cannot be overstated.
I feel your pain. Sorry for your loss of sweet Lucy 😦
I am sorry for the loss of your pet. I had to give away my dog and felt so bad months after that.
Remembering the sweeter moments would help 🙂
I have written a lot about when my cat died, but the best, most eloquent post I have read about the impact of pets on our lives, and the pain of their deaths is by Lorely here http://lorely-writingfromtheedge.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/four-legs-and-tail-forever.html
I hope it brings you comfort.
Our animal friends are just as much a part of the family as the human members and it is very difficult to part with them.
So, so true… 😦 I’ve been smothering my other doggies to ease my pain.
What a lucky dog he was to have you in his life. I know the pain of that kind of loss. Animals are precious gifts in our lives, around for far too short a time. I’m sorry you had to face such a difficult time alone. I am glad you could be together at the end.
What a beautiful tribute to Lucy ♥
I’m so sorry. This was a very moving post, and I hope it gets easier for you soon.
I’m so so very sorry for your loss. I understand completely. We lost our Sheba girl in September 2010. Even though she lived with my parents after I moved out and got married, she was still “my baby.” In the wee hours of the morning she had severe seizures and though my parents rushed her to the emergency vet clinic, she died on the way in my Dad’s arms. He was devastated – we all were. She had been a part of our family since she was 8 weeks old and we all adored her. I have since adopted my own precious canine baby and she lights up our lives now. But we still fondly remember Sheba and painfully miss her. My Mom still has not fully recovered from the loss.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I think your plans for
I think your plans for Lucy’s grave will make a lovely memorial.
So sorry for your loss and as others have expressed you were so lucky to share time together for awhile. For our past feline Silver (who shared our lives for about 18 and 1/2 years) we have a beautiful little cross we selected in Mexico marking her place in our yard. While we wished her well on her journey in the beyond many years ago, our precious memories remain and her cross is a tangible tribute for us. Heartfelt condolences.
Lucy sounds like a lovable dog and was very much a member of your family and will be truly missed! I love your tribute to her and was touched by it. My firstborn, Bailey, will be turning 5 in November. He came into my life when I really needed a cuddle buddy and couldn’t imagine him not being a part of our family now. My daughter is 13 months and I get such joy watching them play together and can’t wait for my 2nd daughter due soon to meet him.It’s these small joys in life that I treasure, even knowning they can’t last forever.
I can completely understand what anguish you went thru. We have a family dog named Trixie ( cockapoo) she is getting to that point. She is winding down close to 17yrs old but she had/has so much personality, she is my little clown and my protector. My best friend and buddy. She like all dogs love us unconditionally and that is the hardest thing to let go of. Your dog died a painful death but at least she was in your arms where she knew she was safe. God bless you.